whirlwindoflife

Feeling down

2010-03-19T12:42:00.001+08:00

Feeling really lousy right now. Gosh, I keep thinking I've screwed things up with og35 and I regret not doing alot of stuff like running for council or joining all those really cool activities in school. I keep trying to organise outings for og35 and keeping us together but I guess there isn't any hope of keeping everyone together because all of us have different schedules and it's really really hard to get everyone out together. Just thought of this idea of attaching notes to lollipops and giving them out to og35 by putting them in their angel/mortal box and writing "meet at our favourite spot near the netball court at 3pm! Don't be late! :)" but I think it would hardly work. Sometimes I get tired from all those rejections too :X I'm afraid I really have bad relationships with people and I'm so scared of bugging people. I mean, when Brandon told me I've got a really bad reputation in school I was scared shitless :( its kinda scary to know that people know you and you don't know them; and it's in a bad way. Now I miss high school life and my friends, I really do :( I miss the days we crapped, played pool and LAN after school, I miss skipping classes with them. I miss those really nice teachers like mrs chan and mr tieu :( I miss taking sciences. Generally feeling stupid and crappy now. Going to post this when I wake up tomorrow. Just trying to sleep all these negative feelings off right now.

2009-09-13T18:03:00.000+08:00

Fucking blogger jibai one.

I shifting new blog.

Tag again soon.

2009-07-27T20:20:00.000+08:00

I've been leading a spectral existence these few days.

I don't know what I'm doing.

But it seems to me this should stop.

Perhaps.

A new confidante.

--------------------------------------------------------

Mrs Chan talked to us about verbally bullying Keith today.

I think no one is going to bully him anymore.

But he's still an outcast,can't change the fact.

Maybe his luck will change and people will treat him better.

Meanwhile,in the short term,due to Mrs Chan's prowess,

Keith will probably get a little immunity from insults.

For now...

2009-07-22T20:33:00.003+08:00

I'm losing you,

my last stronghold of love and hope.

I know you're stressed over so many things,

and i really should help you tide over this time.

Words really fail me this time,

so I'm gonna dedicate this song to you.

2009-07-06T07:17:00.002+08:00

*YAWNNNNN!*

sleepyhead.

lol.

rained last night. real good to sleep in.

yet i thought about too much stuff :S

like always.

finished all my homework:D

that's good news haha.

been watching eyeshield 21 lol.

its an anime about rugby.

haha,quite nice stuff.

this guy whose always bullied runs damn fast,

cos he's always chased by bullies lol.

so he manages to run 40 yards in 4.2s.

just watching this anime gets me all riled up lol.

the soundtrack's really nice too.

and time of eve IS FREAKING NICE.

abit boring sometimes lol,

but,

ITS GREAT!

gotta watch it guys and gals :D

2009-07-01T15:54:00.005+08:00

maybe

we are lost in the deep blue ocean of loneliness,

of mistakes,probably.

maybe

we are tired of this all the time,

the jealousy and hurt.

maybe

we are always bickering about stupid stuff

about who treats who better.

have you all stopped to think,

just for that moment,

how much we actually love each other

and these things don't really matter.

let me tell a story now,

a story of happiness,

of love,

of jealousy,

of sadness.

once upon a time,

there were 4 friends.

they had met each other,

since they were young.

after their exams,

they went their separate paths.

and 2 of them remained in the same school,

while the other two stayed in contact.

fate brought them all together,

on may 14.

and they were a happy lot,

for they were joyful.

time passed,

as they say,

familiarity breeds contempt,

and discord grew.

jealousy sowed its seed,

anger and unhappiness were its flowers,

and hate was its fruit.

i love you all,forever,no matter what.

2009-06-30T09:12:00.008+08:00

Times we had together.

So blissful,free of worries.

Yet now,

Ruined in our hands.

Taken from,

http://wishes-of-freedom.blogspot.com/2008_05_01_archive.html

ME.SHINYI.CHINGHUN.DINGRONG

HAHAS

Then went starbucks to eat

Wahs damn wierld

I was the only person eating my oreo cheesecake

And everyone was looking at me

$6! ch's coffee blended cost $7 which is oso ex

But at least it can make him full

Then, went home.

On the mrt, laugh until like siao

Unfilial daughter.

LOL

I can't stop luffing with them =D.

HAHAHS

~GNYH!

Taken from,

http://mud-sushi.blogspot.com/2008/05/school-reopened-today-after-veryvery.html

School reopened today after a veryvery long break! but i still want even longer cos i still want to rest and play more :D kay sch details i shall skip, now after school! As usual, i met the 3 horny aunties and uncle hahahaa. Germaine, dingrong, chinghun and me met at Cityhall at 2.30pm then we headed off to marina square to eat :D the initial plan was bugis but it was called off cos of the rain-.- zzz somemore so cold.

we slacked at yoshinoya and started crapping again then we walked around Marina square^^ marina square was rather plain lol. so we went over to Suntec instead :D omg i didnt know suntec could be that fun hahahaa.

LOL the 4 of us lived in this world for 15years (okay maybe for chinghun and me, 14years) and we didnt even go to the fountain of wealth at suntec before o.O
so when we saw that we were damn high hahaha, so we tried to act as if we were tourists, but cant cos we were in uniform.

we really did that hahahhaa

group picture! :D okay the security guard is nice :D although we are not tourists, he still helped us take this group photo hahaa. okay just hope that the wish that i wished for comes true^^

Taken from

http://mud-puffs.blogspot.com/

ahhas. after school went out with germaine, ch kor and shinyi :D

was late because germaine had "something stupid" on her mind.

they said i was on drugs.

then in the end turns out 3 girls were crazy and ch kor wasnt.

I WANNA GO FOUNTAIN OF WEALTH AGAIN!

meant to make a silent wish but i screwed up.

i shouted it out and started splashing everyone.

LOL. then posed for pics there.

the security guard was hilarious. ;D

or at least the questions i asked him were funny.went starbucks slacked.

they kept saying i was high when we went past the lingerie shop.

i laughed damn hard, flushed red, cheeks hurting, stomach aching and all.micole's principle makes real sense: if you cant grow (in height), the only way you'll grow is ur cup size.

LOL!kept niao-ing germaine lol. real fun ;D and the imaginary poles. lol. boobs bashing.pasta mania with them this saturday. OH HO I CANT WAIT!

editt

i just rmbed the cat didnt want me to touch it. dammit. i bet it's female, letting ch kor touch it and whatever. and yes, we shall work in a pet shop and earn bucks! yay.
i think it's very nice being close sixeighters. we may be some of the ones. or maybe the only ones. but i think the time spent is fun :P

2009-06-23T07:19:00.002+08:00

YAY!

yesterday i went out with ohboshun,yeojunhan,tanyongzhi to whampoa to eat fish steamboat!

hahahaha!:D

i reached novena at about 7 like that,met ohbo,chatted.

then we realised the other two jurong people still at KAP LOL:D

traffic jam traffic jam :]

hahahaha,then we took a cab to whampoa there.

damn paiseh lol,we were like asking cab drivers whether they know how to go the whampoa market.

hais,disappointed in silver cab taxis tsk :D

so we went to eat the fish steamboat lo,

its quite nice!:D

everyone had second helpings of everything,

cos if u didn't,

junhan will say,

"YOU GOT LOW STAMINA LAH."

totally LOL.

after that i was like quite full,

but we walked around to find dessert lah.

found this stall that sells not bad dessert.

the mango tango quite tasty but i prefer ice monster!:D

argh!

i'm missing you so badly!

wednesday couldn't come earlier.

i'm missing you!

2009-06-19T16:43:00.002+08:00

Woo
There's every good reason for letting you go
She's sneaky and smoked out
And it's starting to show
I'll never let you go
I'll never let you go
I never let you go
I never let you turn around, your back on each other
That's a good idea, break a promise to your mother
Turn around your back on each other

You say that I've changed
Well maybe I did
But even if I've changed
What's wrong with it
I'll never let you go
I'll never let you go
I never let you go
I never let you turn around, your back on each other
That's a good idea, break a promise to your mother
Turn around your back on each other

And our friends are gone and gone
And all the time moves on and on
And all I know is it's wrong, it's wrong
And all I know is it's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong
If there's a reason, it's lost on me
Maybe we'll be friends, I guess we'll see
I never let you go
I'll never let you go
I'll never let you go
I never let you go
Turn around, your back on each other
It's a good idea, break a promise to your mother
Turn around let's turn on each other
Good idea, break a promise to your mother
Turn around your back on each other
That's a good idea, break a promise to your mother
Turn around your back on each other
What a good idea...

I remember the stupid things, the mood rings, the bracelets and the beads
Nickels and dimes, yours and mine, did you cash in all your dreams
You don't dream for me, no, (goodbye, goodbye) you don't dream for me, no
But I still feel you pulse like sonar from the days in the waves
That girl is like a sunburn
I would like to say
The girl is like a sunburn
I would like to say
She's like a sunburn
(She's like a sunburn)
She's like a sunburn

hahahaha,

high song by third eye blind!:D

slacked at home today.

im gonna do some PT later,

i can't survive on my headstand lol.

didn't do homework as usual lol.

i think im gonna pia all next week.

hopefully dingrong will do with me:D

hahahaha,wanna go swimming with her.

i wonder why all the girls are so afraid to go swimming with me -.-

shinyi also like that.

lol,i also not say very pro swimmer.

bleah.

i wanna go eat ice monster!

i owe shinyi and jiayi one treat lol.

and fish and chicks!

and parissssssss!

whoosh whoosh good food:D

here i comeeeeeee!

2009-06-18T13:35:00.002+08:00

this is just so cute omg.

i just redownloaded Audition and it lags like hell on this stupid laptop too.

its better than the desktop tho.

i totally can't play on the desktop.

Going to have group outing on saturday.

SYNERGY FTW!:D

hahahaha,going to celebrate birthdays of two members.

cant wait!

we're going to sakura to eat yay!

i think mr lee treating or something o.o

bleahh,

the hols are so fast over lol,

i havent touched a single piece of my homework T-T

gotta start doing them.

ciaos!:D

2009-06-16T14:04:00.003+08:00

i'm feeling regretful now.

i shouldn't have stepped on this path of no return,

it's hard to deal with the pain of losing you wherever i go.

what actually hurts the most is that we were so close,

i had so much to say,yet you walked away.

constant remembrances of your countenance,

stabbing into my heart.

everytime that call, that message comes,

my love, my hate, course through me.

i'll give everything to return to what we were before,

would you forgive me?

2009-06-12T12:17:00.004+08:00

yesterday was a rollercoaster ride!

hahahaha,cos the internet went down.

so i didnt use facebook the whole day.

which made me realise that i really can't live without the internet LOL.

felt disconnected (no pun intended :D)

then i went for my piano lesson.

loads of fun hahahaha:D

laughing throughout the lesson.

bought lollipops!

then theory was the ultimate hahahaha!:D

we were all laughing at ms koh's drawings.

after theory i went lot 1 with shermain as usual.

she saw her ex classmate lol.

and then we walked to the entrance.

saw a couple.

made the o.o and wtf face.

damn fking suay.

so i pulled shermain to the other escalator.

and i almost couldn't stop myself from crying.

then we bought jolly shandy.

felt a little better after a hug and a pat on the head.

played arcade after that!:D

hahahaha!

initial d 5!

AND SOME RANDOM GAME OMG DAMN FUN!

its like audi,

just that got 9keys one HAHAHAHA!

then shermain took half i took half

and we pwned the songs LOL!

didn't get to play spot the difference tho,

got one girl hogging the machine.

went home.

complained to my sisters.

got comforted.

felt better.

went to sleep.

been listening to this pretty often,hooked on it i guess.

Over It

I'm over your lies,
and I'm over your games.
I'm over you asking me,
when you know I'm not okay.
You call me at night,
and I pick up the phone.
And though you've been telling me,
I know you're not alone.
oh..

That's why
(your eyes)
I'm over it
(your smile)
I'm over it
(realize)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over..

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, it's my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

I'm over your hands,
and I'm over your mouth.
Trying to drag me down,
and fill me with self-doubt.
oh..

That's why,
(your words)
I'm over it
(so sure)
I'm over it
(I'm not your girl)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over...

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, it's my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

Don't call,
don't come by,
ain't no use,
don't ask me why,
you'll never change,
there'll be no more crying in the rain.

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, it's my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

I'm so over it....
I'm over it....

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, it's my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

2009-06-06T20:28:00.003+08:00

he was sitting on the parapet,

casting his visage around,

enjoying the light breeze,

on the train station platform.

she was leaning against the wall,

inquisitive eyes swivelled around,

the wind caressing her beautiful face,

her hair flowing like water.

they saw each other,

their gazes locked momentarily,

unspoken words flowed through,

unspoken thoughts conveyed.

he gets off the parapet with a little jump,

walking towards her with a casual gait,

a tinge of haste in his movement,

desperation in his countenance.

she looked at him,

a sad smile playing upon her face,

as she turned,

and entered the approaching train.

his desperation ever more obvious,

he allowed his emotions to transform into action,

running,

hot tears streaming down.

her hand raised,

waving goodbye,

mouthing words he could not hear,

smiling softly,

as the train began to depart,

the operator spoke through the intercom,

"the last train has left,will all remaining passengers please exit the platform"

he turned to leave.

the words:

"Last train to Happiness"

flashed once on the screen,

then the lights extinguished.

taking once last glance back at the station,

he sighed,

knowing he would never leave

this place of despair.

remembrances of their shared memories flashed through,

and in in his mind's eye,

he saw:

they knew what she had said.

sorry,she had said.

and,

i love you,he had mouthed back.

the above text is entirely a work of fiction and purely based on original thinking.

any similarities with real life incidents are merely coincidences.

2009-06-02T07:22:00.005+08:00

these two days have been a rush for me.

feelings bottled up,

feelings hidden,

feelings kept,deep,deep in my heart.

it all gushed out,

like a blue wave,

engulfing me,

washing me clean,

of all the guilt i have,

of all the hate i have,

of all the love i have,

it made me realised,

like a bright yellow strike of lightning,

shocking me,

sapping me of my strength,

so much that i couldn't breathe,

so much that i couldn't think,

so much that i couldn't find the reason to love anymore.

it pained me so much,

like a black sword of hate,

rushing towards me,

stabbing me in the heart,

hurt me so much i died.

do you just know,

how much i love you?

2009-06-01T09:43:00.013+08:00

JASMINE!<3

omg damn cute!<3

只要你们能愉快:]

2009-05-28T16:27:00.003+08:00

stupid things.

crappp.

i ponned school today,

then like,

5 other people ponned too.

LOL,

so in the end ms siew thought we all go somewhere together and ponned.

zzz,

i told my mum i got IT home learning lol.

then siew said i lied blahblah,

then wanna gimme demerit points,

so now have to get a stupid mc,

but i've no doubt we'll all get owned anyway.

bleahh.

stuck at home play dota,restaurant city,maplestory.

should have gone school watch boshun perform.

argh.

but can watch on facebook anyway,

im sure they'll post.

im in this whole bunch of trouble now.

so many things i haven't done,

so many promises unfulfilled,

so many times my heart broken.

i guess life's like that.

its like a freaking sin curve.

but nowadays why is mine just always x=-1?

its just soooo.. unfair.

thank god i have a few constants keeping me up lol.

thanks people:]

2009-05-17T20:19:00.002+08:00

still very high now!:]

saturday really very happy!:]

woooohoooooo!

haha,

we went to play pool at IRC on saturday!

had lots of fun there,

damn funny and cool stuff happened lo.

then we were drinking bubble tea and eating waffles at the bean bag place LOL,

then camwhoring o.o

pics on shiny's blog.

then jiayi realised she forgot her phone!

so i ran all the way back to get it,

and i told the girls to stay put.

they never ting hua LOL,

in the end i found it then went back to find them,

they not there-.-

in the end,

we missed the buses HAHA!:]

then talk talk talk,

the contents are private tho lol:]

then we went back lot 1 to bridge and crap crap crap.

got 1 security guard come chase us off -___-

so we all went to my house!

where everyone was very crazy LOL,

then i say i wanna forget her,

so shiny and jiayi trying to show me chiobus heh:]

in the end we all became high!

cos dingrong drank mocha,

shinyi drank jolly shandy,

jiayi drank green tea,

then jiayi was fighting with me on the com,

she anyhow type rubbish on my msn! T-T

i trying to change my nick cos dr says its not likeable,

this jiayi anyhow press crap,

then got,

stuff like,

Curly is 12!

asrogasgo

asrgonaiog;ag

LOL!

then shinyi trying to take pics with my bro,

dingrong wanna be in the pic but then shinyi dun wan,

then they ended in one pile playing haha!:]

happy happy!:]

i know you're worried about me,

i know you don't trust me about this thing,

but i wanna let you know i'm really telling the truth this time,

no more regrets,

because i realised there are people out there who treat me alot better,

like you.

thank you:]

2009-05-12T19:11:00.004+08:00

happy happy happy.

especially with blessings!:]

wooohoooo!:]

i went out mugging with the muds and yangfan yesterday.

we went lot 1 to walk around,

me dr and shinyi looked at some toys at action city!

i want the red tomato! very cute :D

heh,then went arcade:D

and played ID5,

watched people own the drum set,

sweated it out on the map happogahara-_-

then went jurong point to study!:D

study study study.

chao muggers lol.

play around,

crapped,

then germaine came:]

then all mugging,

except me,

so i disturbing them heh:D

then went home:]

oh my girl,

i cry cry,

you're my all,

say good bye bye,

oh my love,

don't lie lie,

you're my heart,

say goodbye.

2009-05-05T20:16:00.001+08:00

im afraid of being abandoned.

stay with me till dawn comes,

okay?

2009-05-04T18:52:00.002+08:00

crapppppppp.

holy shit,what am i doing here when there's a math mock test tmr, and a physics test happening on wed, and a math test on fri!?

homework left undone,

files thrown aside,

theory unwritten,

piano unpractised.

like...

WHAT THE HELL!

lol,okay,enough:]

today was okay.

it rained in the morning,

played tchoukball in the squash courts -.-

but it was quite fun luh.

had stupid,lousy chinese.

i have come to realised every chinese lesson,

regardless of teacher,

there seems to be a minimum of 2 people sleeping,2-3 people playing handphone,4 people talking,4 people staring into blank space,and the rest are just pretending to pay attention.

'cept those 6-7 muggers:]

i haven't forgotten you guys.

then had physics.

then tzeyong left.

bad vibes there.

shan't elaborate.

so after sch,there were like 3 routes for me to take lol.

1) physics remedial

2) humanities seminar

3) LAN?

guess? LOL!

2009-05-03T21:15:00.000+08:00

i'm looking back now,

i realised i was just trying to be someone else.

everything i've done, every particle of energy i channelled into changing myself,

into a monster that i don't even recognise.

futile efforts, everyone of them.

i never wanted to stay the same old me.

the joyful expressions on all of your faces,

the kind intentions,the gentle voice,

the precious friendships sail to you in your hour of need,

yet that tinge of green, that evil bubble of jealousy reared its ugly head

and i asked myself,

why couldn't you just leave it,

and open your heart.

face it,chinghun,

just what is the problem?

she treated you well,

she was there every moment of your need,

yet you weren't there for her,

yet you took her for granted,

yet you hurt her,

uncountable times.

i'm looking back now,

the times you were there for me,

as i search through the memories,

i find this scene disturbingly familiar.

you're holding me now,

not bothering if i sob uncontrollably,

you're like a beacon of light,

in this dark,dark,sea of despair.

you're holding me now,

not bothering if it makes me weaker to your love than i am,

it's all my fault,

and your love is what stops me from collapsing.

you're holding me now,

forever,

because i just want to be here,

opening my heart to you.

i'm looking back now,

yet all i see are

a dump of problems,

following me

unfulfilled promises,

unable to leave my mouth

regrets,

that are clenched in my fist

sadness,

that looks beautiful.

here are my confessions and,

what i just wanna say is:

please try to forgive me.

2009-04-29T20:12:00.002+08:00

bleahhhhhh.

weather very hot nowadays lol.

can't tahan zzz.

somemore got swine flu, then must take temperature.

so i just anyhow geng one 36.5.

all because of pigs zzz.

i hate pigs now.

i don't care human kind or animal kind.

i hate 'em all.

2 tests today:]

i think i'll get A for history lo.

so easy ;P

the english common test was seriously retarded.

the thing was in LT4, not enough chairs -_-

and the teachers didn't have the brains to switch on the air-con first.

then like,200 pupils and 2 teachers stuffing it out in the LT lol.

this teacher damn funny,he quite fat then he say

"i'm sweating like a pig!"

*laughters*

then,

"okay,bad analogy."

after that i went chess -.- , put bag, go down play basketball with zm LOL

i swear i'm not goin chess in JC liao.

i think i wasted 4 years of my HC life having a stupid cca.

i'm gonna join Music and Dance! (L)(L)(L)

2009-04-28T20:53:00.005+08:00

crapppp.

i feel like some shit today.

i feel really crappy.

its like someone took the soul outta me.

and i got a pretty shrewd idea who.

i realised not everyone will be there for you everytime you need help

and i think im just too dependent on other people.

maybe i did something wrong or said something wrong,

maybe u would think im selfish or sth.

but i've got reasons,

and you don't seem to understand them at all.

i try to stop thinking about you,

but you're like an inescapable shadow i've to return to.

i try to live life without you,

but you took away my heart and soul.

i try to give in to your every request,

in earnest.

i try very hard,

very.

i try to smile and be happy everyday,

to live a normal life.

i try to return to life like it was before falling in love with you,

all i get are tears.

i try too hard,

to forget you.

2009-04-06T18:32:00.000+08:00

hello:]

im bored nowadays and i think since no one knows about this blog i can post whatever i want!

hahahahaha:]

had PE in the morning.

and i did badly for 5 items lol:]

it was like,

A for situps

A for shuttle run

E for standing broad jump

D for pullups

C for sit and reach.

crap lol,its a bronze i guess.

then had maths test lol.

the mr mong seriously dont care haha,

he's like totally bochup,

its a test and people are blatantly talking,

and he just sits there like a block of wood.

o.o

i think it was quite easy,

though i didnt know anything about circular measure at all.

i only got the formulas from daniel then

we started discussing:D

test leh!:]

after sch went to play pool,

got sian-ed,

played lan,

feed people with my noob morphling then went home.

have to do the tshirt designs and the project's day powerpoint now :[

thurs the presentation:(

going now,be back soon:]